I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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