the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize