just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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