and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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