Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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