is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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