How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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