I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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