I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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