Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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