dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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