So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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