I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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