You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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