Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize