guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize