my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish I only lived at night.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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