If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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