i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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