she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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