How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize