you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize