I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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