hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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