just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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