Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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