well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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