is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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