is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize