i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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