Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize