Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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