you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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