Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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