I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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