i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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