And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize