perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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