please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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