It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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