if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize