i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize