PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize