STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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