I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize