I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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