does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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