Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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