I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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