I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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