T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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